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  • I Carried This Bible for Twenty Years and Regret Not Opening It on Day One
    Faith and Surrender | Grief and Healing | Purpose and Calling

    I Carried This Bible for Twenty Years and Regret Not Opening It on Day One

    March 23, 2006 — the date written inside the cover of a Bible I received at twelve and did not truly open for nearly twenty years. What followed were degrees, careers, continents, and loss. This is the story of what it cost me. And what I found when I finally came home to it.

    Read More I Carried This Bible for Twenty Years and Regret Not Opening It on Day OneContinue

Welcome

I'm Kayna

Former engineer, now a stay-at-home mom — grieving both my parents while raising my babies without them.
This is a space for the mother who is navigating loss, healing slowly, and still choosing God in the hard days.

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Letters for the Hard Days

Every Tuesday, a quiet note about grief, faith, and motherhood — for the mom who is still showing up even when it's hard.

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Mama, I have so many stories to tell, so many pict Mama, I have so many stories to tell, so many pictures of my kids to show. 

Sometimes it feels like you're just busy doing something that's why you're not calling me. Or maybe your phone's battery is running low because you spent the whole night playing games.

I miss your voice, your antics, even when you scold me.

It's too quiet now without you.

One day, I know one day, I will see you again.

I already imagined you shouting my name from afar and we will catch up on our stories while drinking coffee or eating halo-halo... 

Until then, please watch over us here because I have no single clue how to be a good mother like you but I am trying my best. That's my promise to you. 🌸

#mothersdaywithoutmom #mothersday #momsinheaven #ilovemymama #thankyoumom
To my sweet second child, Before you arrived, a t To my sweet second child,

Before you arrived, a thought occurred to me.

“Can I really love another little person the same way as my firstborn?"

What I learned — minutes after meeting you — is that love doesn’t get divided when a family grows.

My heart expanded so I can love you both fully.

You may have come second, my little one, but falling in love with you felt like the first time all over again.

You are uniquely, beautifully made by God and I thank Him everyday for choosing me to be your mother. 💕

#SecondBaby #LetterToMyBaby #MothersDay #christianmom  #childrenareablessing
I missed so many Mother’s Days with my mom. I alw I missed so many Mother’s Days with my mom.

I always thought there would be a next time.

Now I’m a mom. And all I want on Mother’s Day is for my kids to just be with me. No gifts. Not cards. Just them.

That’s all she ever wanted too. I know that now.

If you still have your mom, please go see her this Sunday.

Tell her you love her. Not just in a text. Tell her out loud, to her face, where she can hear it.

You don’t know how many more you get.

Happy Mother’s Day to every mom with us and every mom in heaven. 🌸

#mothersday #grievingdaughter #christianmom #momsinheaven #cannykayna
The night you were born, something else was born t The night you were born, something else was born too.

A version of me I had never met before.

She checks if you are breathing while you sleep. She loves in a way that scares her a little — because she never knew she was capable of it until you showed her she was.

You got all my firsts.

The sleepless nights. The second-guessing. The quiet, desperate “am I doing this right?” at 2am with nobody to ask.
You got the version of me who was still figuring it out.

And you loved her anyway.

Because of you, I know what I am made of. Because of you, I became someone I am still growing into.

You will always be the one who started it all, my love.

The one who made me a mother. 🌸

I can't thank God enough for having you. 🙏🏻

#firstborn #motherhood #sahm #momlife #christianmom

You don't have

to carry this alone

Join a community of mothers navigating grief and healing through faith. A letter in your inbox every Tuesday — honest, gentle, and rooted in God's Word.

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